He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
