Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
