just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
