True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He better not be in your backpack
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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