i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
