It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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