i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
