I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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