The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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