ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
