Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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