i already hear my dad disowning me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
