I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
