I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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