woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize