Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
