I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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