so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
