i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
