I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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