Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
