Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
