I just threw up on my dentist
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
