Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
PANTIES FOUND
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
