You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
