Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
