i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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