Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
