You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize