Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
