So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I stole a fireplace last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
