I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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