I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
