i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
