we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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