3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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