woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
