This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
