I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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