Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
