All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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