There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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