I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
