areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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