I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
