Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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