Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
