she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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