i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
