so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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