i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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