I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
