So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
