i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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