I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Someone signed my nipple.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
