Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Acid is not a monday night drug
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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