I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
