if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
