I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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