I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
