I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
