so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
