Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
