ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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